Cece and Debbie share their pregnancy journey and how they started their family with the help of a donor.

We first meet Debbie and Cece in their Amsterdam home as they prep breakfast, while their daughter Tayen wiggles happily in her Bugaboo Giraffe chair.

Wanting to start a family was always on their minds, but being a same-sex couple took them on a path to parenthood that they weren't expecting, and one that saw them turn to a friend to be their sperm donor. This was especially an unexpected route to motherhood for Debbie, as she explains.

Debbie, a brand director and interior designer, and Cece, the head of creative development for music at an advertising agency, met via a dating app in Amsterdam. Cece always saw motherhood as enrichment. For Debbie, motherhood was a goal too, however she always assumed she'd follow a different path.

Having never dated women before Cece, Debbie's outlook on starting a family soon clicked into place when they met: "Oh, I was looking for a mother of my children and not a father of my children."

Their parenting journey started by seeking a sperm donor. Immediately, they knew who they wanted to ask – a kind, loving, and creative friend with all the characteristics they'd hope for in their future child.

Although certain about who they were going to ask, knowing how to ask them via video call was a different story. For Debbie, waiting for the call was tinged with the levels of awkwardness you'd only experience as a 12-year-old asking someone to go out with you. But they didn't need to worry. "The moment we asked him, he was like, yes, yes, yes, of course! And started to cry." recalls Cece.

After the initial nerves reaching out to their friend, the hospital was their next challenge. "It was really tough to find the right hospital," Debbie reflects, "because they don't always help lesbian couples." After a long search and finally finding the right one for them, they were faced with long waiting lists, so the hospital recommended the DIY approach.

Kitted out with the insemination equipment from the hospital, they traveled to Berlin to be with their donor. Debbie describes the morning she went to collect the sperm as almost magical – an uncharacteristically quiet and serene morning in the city. After more awkwardness while she waited outside for the donor, Debbie cozily tucked the cup under her jumper, ready to cycle back to Cece. "It feels like I'm going to the bakery to pick up a croissant," says Debbie, "but it's a super special croissant."

As Cece describes it, the insemination process was a family experience – the two of them, in their own space, with their little dog by their side. And what they thought was going to be a trial run, resulted in their pregnancy: "Yeah, we got very lucky! On the first go."

Cece describes Debbie as an awesome, sweet, and playful mother who looks after them both really well. But it’s a role that Debbie initially questioned after not being pregnant with their daughter.  

She found there was very little guidance out there to help her navigate their new home life as a family and becoming a mother without carrying their baby. Debbie's struggles weren't eased by questions from some acquaintances either, like "Who's the father in the relationship?".

"We don't have gender roles in a traditional way," says Cece, explaining how they've dealt with those reactions. "We're just a couple together raising our baby." In raising Tayen, Debbie's fully acknowledged her abilities as a mom: "I am a mother, but without being pregnant." And it’s a sentiment echoed by those closet to them, who say how lucky Tayen is to have them as parents.